Is Anything Real?

[00:06.5]
Here's a myth that keeps a lot of smart people broke, stuck, or invisible. Networking is just being friendly and hoping the right people notice you. No, that's not true. Real networking is a trained skill, and at that top level, it's not even public.

[00:22.9]
Today, we're pulling back the curtain on how access actually works. Local networks, social networks, family networks \in the elite rooms, where deals get done when nobody's posting about it. Welcome back to "Is Anything Real?", the reality-first leadership show where we test advice, publish the receipts, and ship what works actually under pressure.

[00:45.6]
I'm Adam W. Barney, transition leadership coach, author, and host of this show. And today's guest is George Dubec, the ultimate networker who has spent decades studying what most people only guess at: how connection, reputation, and access actually work.

[01:03.2]
And George has a framework for networking that I love because it's clean: business, social, and family. And within business networking, he makes a distinction most people never even consider. Local versus elite. George, welcome to the show.

[01:21.1]
Hey, it's great to be here, Adam. We're, I guess, going to provide some really good advice, tips, and strategies for people that will help them in their business and personal life. Nail on the head here. And before we start, you know, you shared with me on your qualifier call that you're turning 80 this year.

[01:41.6]
So, if this episode sounds a little too real, we can just have our listeners blame wisdom, let's say. Well, I put it this way. I'm not so sure about wisdom. I think it's experience. I have a lot of experiences. The old phrase also is too smart, too late.

[02:00.6]
You do learn a lot, but the problem is you keep on making mistakes. You never really get to the pinnacle of perfection. So we're always still learning, striving, making mistakes, adjusting. So I just have a lot of experience.

[02:17.9]
How's that? I love it. I love it. Well, let's start with that myth. George, what do most people get wrong about networking? Well, I think you hit it on the head with the intro. The fact is that people think it's just a matter of showing up, going out, being there, which is important.

[02:37.5]
You know, you have to be there. You have to be active, you have to be proactive and go to events, and go to networking. But in order to be effective, it's a skill, and you have to be trained, or train yourself, or have somebody train you in all the different techniques and strategies in order to do that.

[02:58.8]
It's just like being an expert salesman. Very few people are natural salesmen. So you read Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and whoever the latest flavor is in sales training. You go to courses and classes, and then you have mentors at your office.

[03:17.9]
The top salesman train you how they do it. So you go through that whole process. But just think about networking. Who teaches you networking? Who do you go to? What books are? There's not even that many books out there, and there's no courses or classes in general about networking.

[03:35.1]
Right. Well, and networking. I totally agree. It's trained behavior that compounds, and the people who win it aren't the ones who know the most people. They're the ones who become the connector that other people trust. Say more about that.

[03:52.5]
What does trained actually mean in the networking context? And how do people build that? Well, one of the things that I did, Adam, is I've written six books on these different aspects of networking. And in my major book called Ultimate Networking, I have actually a survey, or questionnaire.

[04:11.6]
So what I suggest people do is get my book and take my questionnaire, and it will rate you at the present time at your level of networking and what skill level you have. So you got to have a foundation, you got to have a baseline of what are you doing right, what are you doing wrong, and what should you be doing?

[04:31.8]
So if you take my questionnaire, it has a series of questions that will rate you. And then what you do is you say, okay, these areas I'm very weak, and these areas, I'm strong. So I need to upgrade here. I need to do this. I need to be better. And I'll tell you kind of an interesting story.

[04:49.6]
When I wrote the book, Adam, I thought as I'm writing the book after all these years, that I'm, like, probably a 9 or a 10 as a networker. Right? So after I took my own test, I rated myself as a 6.

[05:07.5]
The problem is that we think we're better than we are. Right? Everybody does. So I actually had to sit down and look at what I was doing, and I had the right ideas, but I didn't always do the things that should be done.

[05:23.5]
We get lazy, we procrastinate. We wind up going and eating shrimp and drinking at the bar and talking to our friends. You know, we fall into the traps. But what I teach people how to do is when you're going networking, business networking, you're going to work.

[05:42.6]
Unless your objective is to just meet members of the opposite sex. Like, they say a lot of networking events are meat markets, where you're just hooking up. But I mean, if that's your objective, just to go out and chat and have fun with your friends and have some free drinks, that's not a problem.

[05:58.9]
I'm not saying that's bad. What I'm saying is if you want to get business, you have to go in as a trained, effective networker and you have to start using your strategies in order to get business and create relationships.

[06:15.0]
So there's two different ways to go networking. One, to socialize and have fun, which is not bad. The other one is I'm going there to do deals, make connections, and meet the right people. Well, and, and I actually want the listeners to catch something else that you mentioned to me because, you know, I think you and I both see that there are three different games in terms of networking.

[06:37.3]
Right. Business networking is about opportunity and exchange. Social networking is about community and identity. And then there's that piece of family networking that's about support and I guess, continuity. Right. And if you confuse them, you get weird outcomes.

[06:53.5]
Like doing business pitches at a barbecue or expecting family to say, understand your business pressure. But let's go kind of one level deeper here. You also said something that most people don't even admit exists within business networking. There's the local tier, and then there's the elite tier.

[07:11.8]
Define the difference. And what makes the elite tier elite? Well, most people, there's maybe three tiers. There's kind of the local, social business network where you know everybody, you're friendly, so it's easy to go out and talk and be casual.

[07:28.8]
Then you have the mid level, which is where you're meeting new people, connecting. But here's the key. When you get to the mid level, and then even more important, the upper levels is what events are you going to. Are the right people going to be at the event?

[07:44.0]
Don't just go to an event. Find out who's going to be there, what kind of people, and are they the kind of people you want to be in your arena? Are they your target market? Are they the people that can help you?

[08:00.8]
So, and the problem with that also is the higher the level, the more expensive it gets to network. I mean, there's an organization down here in South Florida, it's $100,000 a year to be a member. Now that's very, very high-level networking.

[08:19.5]
So there's a cost involved too. It's not just something you can casually decide to be with the elite. And you know, George, I want to be crystal clear here. We're obviously not glamorizing wealth, but describing how the system works.

[08:37.0]
And I think here's the part people don't want to hear in this modern day and age: a lot of deals don't happen on the Internet. Right? They happen in rooms that you never actually see. And you gave a behind-the-scenes example that stuck with me.

[08:52.3]
You know, private dinners, cards, cigars, conversations where somebody says, I need X and someone else says, done. So George, in your experience, what is the actual currency in those rooms? Because it's obviously not just money. Well, first of all, you got to get into that or get up to that level somehow.

[09:13.7]
Either you got to be rich, wealthy, be a successful businessman so that you can scratch each other's back. That's part of the whole deal. So if you're not at that level, how do you get there? What you have to do is figure out what are things that you can do to help those people.

[09:33.5]
If you're not at that level yet, what can you do to help them? Maybe you can give them, help them bring the right employees to their business. Maybe you can suggest resources that would help their business. Anything that you can do to help them will get you accepted into these higher levels.

[09:53.4]
You can't just show up and just chat and talk and think that they're going to like you because you're a cool guy. You know, you have to have something. Or you have to have a relationship with somebody already in advance. You have to be a friend of somebody's father. or you have to be in the family.

[10:10.6]
That helps. I remember there was a famous stained glass artist. Did you ever hear of Tiffany glass? Oh, yes. Okay, well, Louis Tiffany was a stained glass artist, but his dad was a wealthy New York businessman that introduced him to all of his elite friends.

[10:31.0]
And all his elite friends bought Louis Tiffany stained glass. Okay, well, most stained glass artists don't have a rich father to introduce them to their rich friends. So that's kind of like how that family thing goes. But anyway, like I said, if you don't have the family connections, if you're not a wealthy, rich, successful businessman yourself, you got to figure out ways to help people at that level, and then you can get into their circle.

[11:01.4]
Yeah. And I view that currency as trust plus usefulness in those rooms. Right. And I think that's where people mess it up. They try to enter rooms like a fan, or a taker, or a salesperson. But how does someone get access to that tier if they're not rich, famous, or born into it?

[11:22.4]
Well, like I get in free everywhere. I never pay to go to an event because I find out who is hosting the event. I get to know those people. Sometimes somebody that's running a very elite, high-end room, is not an elite person themselves.

[11:39.1]
They're hosting an event. So you get to know them and see if they can introduce you to the right people. In fact, one of the suggestions I have, Adam, when people go to any networking event, if they're serious, is find out who the host is or who the promoter is.

[11:55.0]
Call them in advance, tell them who you are, introduce yourself if you don't know them already, and then ask them if they can help you when you get there. Introduce you to the right people that you're looking for. So you kind of set things up in advance. You don't just show up cold at a room.

[12:13.8]
Now if you can't get a hold of the host or promoter in advance, when you get to the room, find out, go right up to them at that event, introduce yourself, and hopefully they can be a third-party referral at the event while you're there. I mean, I love that.

[12:31.8]
And I'll add one piece from my side. You know, it's building that asking muscle, of course, but one of the biggest constraints for people is shame. They won't ask, they won't follow up, they won't request that introduction. They won't just take a shot.

[12:48.4]
And I tell people the asking muscle is like almost any other muscle in our body. It's trained. You know, you don't train it by waiting for the perfect opportunity. You train it with reps. And George, what are your favorite reps for someone who wants to train networking without feeling gross before they might have that opportunity like you just mentioned.

[13:09.1]
Well, one of the training tips, believe it or not, Adam, is to just ask for stuff all day long. Okay. In fact, there's a book out there called The Aladdin Factor, which is a very unique book. It talks about learning how to ask for anything.

[13:26.8]
You can ask your wife, you can ask your friends, your family. In fact, when I go to a store, any store, and I buy something, when I'm at the cash register, I always say, hey, is there anything here you can give me a coupon, or a discount, or you can give me something free?

[13:42.1]
I always ask. I learned how to do it. I just automatically do it. And it's amazing what you'll get if you ask. And it doesn't even matter what the store is because it might be the clerk that'll give you something. So anyway, you're right.

[13:58.6]
You have to learn and practice asking for things, and ask for stuff for free. When you pay the bill at a mechanic shop, say, hey, could you throw something in? Could you throw in a free rotation or oil change?

[14:13.8]
You know, I'm spending $500 here to fix my brakes. Can you give me a free oil change? Right. You know, I think the Jewish culture calls that kibitzing.

[14:26.7]
And you know, George, I know you have a 30,000-name long database here, which is an incredible asset, but I think it speaks to, you know, another key point. People think networking is vibes. But by building that, you talk about networking like an operating system.

[14:45.0]
It's about capturing, categorizing, follow-up, connecting, and maintaining trust. And I love the line you shared with me. You know, when someone asks you for a doctor, lawyer, landscaper, I know who to go to. And that is true real value.

[15:02.5]
But, let's make it practical for our listeners. Well, you know, I always tell people, no matter how young you are, even my grandkids who are in college, I tell them to start a database, start collecting names, addresses, phone numbers of all the people you meet, the kids at school, your teachers, anybody, and start building that.

[15:24.6]
I wish I would have done that way back when, when I was in college. No one ever told me. I never thought of it, but can you imagine if I had, let's say, 60 years of names in a database? If I would have done that for over 60 years, I'd probably have a hundred thousand people in there.

[15:45.3]
And then I'd have them categorized. And so then I can go and have my own directory of professionals, of people in all different aspects of life. That would be incredible. So I suggest to my grandkids, start now, when you're in college, to build your database.

[16:03.8]
Wow. And I mean, I'm, you know, thinking of this, George, and thinking about, you know, one sort of system that people could use, that listeners could run with this week. And I maybe would call it like The Seven-Day Network Upgrade.

[16:18.8]
Right? Make a simple list of 25 people, put them into three buckets. You know, business, social, family. Add a line to each name. What do they actually care about right now? You know, it's not about what they sell, but what they care about. Identify five people you can help without asking for anything.

[16:39.2]
You know, send five messages, keep it short, human-specific. Start a spreadsheet or a CRM, like you just mentioned. Keep it really simple though, and then just ask for one introduction, just one to someone adjacent to your own goals. And obviously follow up with gratitude and close the loop.

[16:57.4]
Well actually, and that's another good thing too, is that, once you build up this list and you have people in different categories, you can pick up the phone or text and say, hey. In fact, I just did that yesterday. I contacted a whole slew of people that I was looking for.

[17:13.6]
People that are members of chambers of commerce. So I called up everybody that I could as I'm driving, because you can do it on the phone while you're driving. I was calling up people on my list saying, hey, you know somebody that's a member of a local chamber of commerce?

[17:30.7]
Yeah. So that's what I was looking for. So I was calling my list and just asking people, who do you know? Right. So you can do that all day long. Ask for whatever you want. If you're looking for somebody to hire, for a job position.

[17:45.9]
If you're looking for a job yourself, call everybody on your list and say, hey, I'm looking for a job. Can I send you my resume? Do you know somebody? Just keep it going. Yeah, I love that. And you know, George, I'd also like to pull on one thread here that matters to me.

[18:05.2]
You know, access isn't distributed equally. A lot of people never get invited to rooms, not because they're unworthy or unintelligent, but because they don't look like the room or didn't grow up with the rules. You know, and as a white male, I've said for decades, I wish I could bottle up the confidence and access that that comes with and hand it to people who don't start with it.

[18:28.4]
So, George, I'll kind of ask in this way, what's a reality-first way to make networking more equitable without pretending that the system is already fair? Well, you know, the whole thing is all about, part of the networking is when you are out networking, make sure that the people that you know or you meet there, that you connect them with people, also.
That's helpful.

[18:56.0]
In other words, when I go to a networking event, as soon as I see somebody that I meet and there's somebody else in the room that I think could use their product or service, I say, hey, come on, I want you to meet my friend over here. I think they would really like your product or service.

[19:12.2]
So you can, you can basically, make things on an equal level. By you introducing people, you're being a third-party introducer for other people in the room. That's another way to do it. I actually love that. You know, I was talking to my wife last night, George, and I was like, in the last month, I think I've had five people that I know say, hey, thanks for introducing me to Kate Finn, who's our tax accountant.

[19:40.3]
And, you know, there was no formal referral program or anything in place there, but you're just like, oh, you know, you've got these good people who you can work with. I mean, it's that personal network that's so important here. Well, that's part of, beyond just meeting and connecting and follow-up, is creating a relationship of kind.

[20:02.4]
Now you can't do that with everybody. It's not going to work for everybody. It's almost like finding a date. You know, you could talk to 10 girls, and only one or two are going to connect. And that's the same way in business. You can talk to a lot of people. In fact, the other thing that people do is they placate you when they meet you; they act like they really like you.

[20:20.7]
They act like they're interested in your product and service. And then you call them up the next day. They don't call you back. You text them, they disappear. They ghost you. And you go, man, I thought that person really liked me. I thought they were really interested in me.

[20:37.1]
So, again, it's kind of a random thing. It's a numbers game. You just have to meet enough people and make the right connections at the right time. That's beautiful. Yeah. All right, George, I think you know how we end here. But in the world of networking and building cohesive networks that can help us grow, is anything real?

[21:00.0]
Well, you know, the reality is that you just have to be proactive. You have to do it. You can't sit at home. Actually, though, there are ways you can network by never leaving the house. You can use things like LinkedIn; there's a whole strategy of working LinkedIn to basically network.

[21:22.7]
There are some strategies that you can be just in your house and do it, but it's still better to personally meet people, shake their hand, see them in person. I recommend that; that's much better. And also invite other people to go with you to events.

[21:41.4]
That's another way to connect and so forth. But, listen, if anybody wants to get ahold of me, I have a website called theultimatenetworker.com That's theultimatenetworker.com. That's all one word. They can sign up to get on my email list, they can order my books, they can find out more about it.

[22:01.5]
They can get private coaching. I'm available. I'm very selective. Only people that are serious that I train people on networking skills. And, you know, I'm available; I'm experienced. Okay, well, and George, you know, we'll, of course, link to that in the show notes below, along with that self-assessment quiz you mentioned earlier.

[22:24.4]
But I think what's real is this. Networking isn't magic; it's training. And the people who win aren't the loudest, they're the most trusted in the room. So for our listeners, if you got value from this today, send it to one person who keeps saying, I don't like networking.

[22:41.7]
Because what they usually actually mean, what it translates to is, I was never trained. And if you're in a leadership transition, promotion, burnout, pressure, reinvention, and you want to rebuild your operating system without losing yourself, there's also a 20-minute foundational call with me linked in the show notes below.

[23:00.4]
No pitch, no pressure, just clarity. But George, thank you for being here. Hey, by the way, Adam, I'm going to send you a PDF copy of my questionnaire, my book, and I want you to take the questionnaire and then you got to let me know how you rate yourself.

[23:15.5]
How's that? I will definitely do that, George. Yeah, I love the challenge. I appreciate that. Well, for our listeners, until next time, stay grounded, stay human, and keep questioning the noise. But thank you again, George.